"I'm not your sweetheart. Just let me walk!"

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Okay, okay. So I know last week I praised the Fresh Prince for his pick-up lines. It’s just that I love Will Smith so much, I think everything he touches turns to gold. I have to admit, though, that my bias towards him overshadowed my opinion about pick-up lines outside Bel-Air. There’s a fine and tough-to-walk line between being confident and being offensive. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Holly Kearl wrote a great piece for the Guardian providing lonely lovebirds with tips on how to approach someone new without borderlining on sexual harassment. She encourages suitors to approach the first conversation between strangers as a specific rhetorical situation. In fact, her rules for a happy Valentine’s Day echo our course textbook’s third chapter, “Preparing to Speak with Commitment and Confidence,” particularly the bullets under, “A Checklist for Preparing a Design Plan for a Talk,” on page 73. Although the entire article—and her own blog Stop Street Harassment—is worth a read, I’m just picking those tips that lend themselves to a great example of a rhetorical situation:

Physical context – The textbook asks you to consider the physical environment in which you will be speaking. Similarly, Kearl suggests that whoever you may want to talk to may feel unsafe or unsure if it is:

-       late at night, or in a dark place in general

-       deserted

-       an exit is not easily visible or accessible

Social context – I would interpret part of this as determining what circumstances have brought your audience into this specific space. I think that Kearl would place the following pointers under this textbook-designated category:

“They want to get from point A to B or enjoy fresh air. They may be in a hurry or be preoccupied. Therefore, chances are that a person you approach is not going to want to talk to you or interact with you. That has nothing to do with you personally.”

Audience – What can you determine about your audience before and as you speak? Kearl indicates that certain features, such as your size, apparent strength, and age in relation to those of the target of your flirtation will call for different approaches. This makes sense: a six-foot college student might not make me feel uneasy at first, but a six-foot-eight retired NFL offensive lineman probably would. She asks you to pick up on your audience’s reaction to your small-talk, as well:

“Make sure there is consent in your interaction. Does their body language, including eye contact (not lack thereof), and tone of voice indicate they want to interact with you, too? If you are unsure, you can always ask, is it OK if I talk to you?”

Several initiatives have been taken to start a dialogue towards ending street harassment, including programs in Washington, DC, Wales, and India. DC’s The Consensual Project has an especially well-written take on “sexual communication” and where it’s headed. Kearl and her peers around the world are shedding light on first-time flirtation as a specific rhetorical situation that, when not regarded as such, can result in harassment.